Monday, January 31, 2005

Flying at last

Hola bloggers,

At last I have a flight booked to Buenos Aires. Yippee. System malfunctions are over! Weather malfunctions are not over though - its raining AGAIN and I am not impressed.

The last couple of days have been spent visitng a beautiful botanical garden and the Christ the Redeemer statue. Jo and I had lots of fun taking silly photos from behind trees and making silly videos on our cameras. Jo took some beautiful shots of orchids and various other flowers. I don't have the patience for that sort of malarky. I've got her photos anyway so I just let her get on with it and lay on the floor like a fool under plants and do a David Bailey.

I had visited the Chris the Redeemer statue before with Jose Ramon but I went there again yesterday to take Jo up. We took the train up the mountain and then walked back down. The walk backdown was lovely .........until we got about halfway down and realised that if we walked any further we would have to walk through the middle of a Favela (slum area). We knew that we shouldn't go any further because we would be like a red rag to a bull - two foreign girls in mini skirts with cameras and cash! So what could we do?

We hung around waiting for a taxi to come by but had no luck there. Then we noticed a local family sitting on a corner a bit further down selling water to passers by. I figured that locals trying to make a business for themselves were porbably safe to approach - well safer than anyone we might come across further down the hill in the Favela.

I went to speak to the family of water sellers and explained our predicament. They confirmed that we should not go further down the hill under any circumstances as we wouldn't last two minutes. However, they helpfully showed us a path in the opposite direction which would lead to a junction where there would be a bus waiting which would safely take us down the mountain avoiding the Favela. This sounded a bit too good to be true but what were our options? The man explained exactly where the bus would be and I could see the path and the end of it and worked out the distance in my head. I knew I could sprint that distance with no trouble in a matter of minutes - so I was game. The family did seem honest enough so we had to just trust them that the path was safe.

We tiptoed along in silence so as not to alert anyone that we were there (or that we were foreign) - I was ready to sprint at the speed of light at any moment! Anyway, we didn't need to sprint and sure enough the bus was there. The driver was sat on a wall waiting for his next passengers. We jumped on, he set off and we breathed a sigh of relief.

Jo said that this was the one time when she was so thankful for my Spanish language skills. If we hadn't been able to communicate properly with the family then we might have been in serious trouble. Well actually we wouldn't have been because we knew damn well that we couldn't walk down that hill so without the advice of the family we would have just had to walk all the way back up the mountain and get back on the train. So, if my Spanish didn't save our lives ......it certainly saved our legs!

By the way, the guide book does say that it is a lovely walk to walk down the mountain so we didn't just decide to do this of our own accord. Blame the guide books (or maybe we took a wrong turn??).

Lots of love

S xx

Friday, January 28, 2005

Santa Teresa

Hola Bloggers,

Despite the persistent rain (Growl!), we visited a pretty hillside village called Santa Teresa today. It was a sleepy old place with lots of old villas and pretty cottages built into the hillside. It has the last remaining tram of Rio - but we didn't go there by tram because when we got to the station down in Rio there was a sign saying " We strike today ..and tomorrow ...and tomorrow." It was written in English on an old blackboard. Just our luck.

We took a taxi up there and then leisurely walked back down the hill peering into peoples' gardens and houses (as you do).

We ate at a highly recommend restaurant where the fish is all caught on the owner's boat in the morning and then cooked fresh that day. Jo was in raptures. I stuck to my rice, brocolli sauteed in garlic and salad of parma hearts. There was some sort of a party going on at the side of us. We guessed it was a birthday party and we guessed who was the birthday boy - the one that all the others were forcing shots down the neck of. It was quite amusing to watch them all. One boy, called "Mengie" (we think - from the shouting at him) refused to down a shot. He was so boring - after so long of evryone trying to persuade him, even we were joining in shouting "Mengie, Mengie" in that internationally used two syllable way that you always use to shout someone's name at such events. Its curious that itsn't it - you can even make a one syllable name turn into two when you are shouting for them to do something or when you are annoyed with them - try it - try shouting Paul. I bet you go Paw- awl. Do you know what I mean?

Ooh we had some lovely sushi last night. Again I stuck to tempura vegetables and skewered vegetables. Jo went for it with all sorts of raw articles. I wouldnt eat some of that stuff if my life depended on it. I developed a fondness of raw ginger though.............and whilst I'm on the subject of food - I LOVE CHURROS. I can't stop eating it.

Lots of love

S xx





Thursday, January 27, 2005

Going Stir Crazy

Its raining again. Really heavily now. We have put on long sleeve tops for the first time since leaving America and we have even bought umbrellas! I was quite enjoying shouting "Who killed Kenny?" and running through the streets with a plastic bag on my head with a whole punched through for my face (hence the South Park quote). I thought I was quite clever fashioning a rain cover with my blue peter like skills. I'm not sure that Jo found me as funny as I found myself though - so she suggested that we buy umbrellas. We knew deep down that we would have to surrender to the weather sooner or later and admit defeat and buy one. Unfortunately, today is that sad day.

I really am begining to think that I am not supposed to go to Buenos Aires. I don't know if I have mentioned this before whilst blogging but I have tried to buy a ticket 9 times now and had no success. I have entered one travel agents four times, another one three times and tried to buy a ticket on expedia twice. The first time on expedia I was faced with a system crash. The second time the system would not let me have the tickets delivered to an address outside of the USA - and there were no etickets available. The first time in the first travel agents my credit card didn't authorise the transaction. This has happened before (when I was buying the Topaz ring) but when, on that occasion, the lady rang through to my bank - they simply wanted to ask me security questions to check that it was me. I tried to explain this to the travel agent and asked him to ring the number on the back of my card ........ but he said that he couldn't make phone calls for customers. Wasn't the phone call for them - indirectly? I tried to hint towards the economics of this - the price of a phone call weighed against the value of the ticket I was trying to buy from them .......but I don't think they quite got what I was saying (I decided to follow Adam Smith's Laissez Faire approach to economics ....... and simply leave them alone - never mind leave the economy alone). Showing true persistence, I tried asking another assistant but his excuse was that they were unable to make international calls from their phones. Have you ever heard of anything so stupid? An international travel agent who can't make international calls.

unwillingly, but due to not being able to find an alternative, I returned to the same agents with cash in an attempt to steer clear of any credit card or telephone fiascos. However, on that day I was told that they were only open for information and didn't have a system up an running.
This carried on for a further two visits.

I then found another travel agent - but on both trips to this one I have again been faced with system failure! I am nearing a system failure myself I fear. I really need to get this god damn ticket. I have a booking for four weeks of language school in Buenos Aires and I am meeting Jose there. Is it too far to walk?

A further contributing factor to my venture down stir crazy avenue is this blog. I have battled with uploading photos to this site about three times now. I am admitting defeat now and I am not going to try ever again. It's not good for my health - in more ways than one. The stress caused by the frustration is at dangerous levels and the near heart attacks brought on by finding random porn pictures saved on the c drive of the net cafe computers are enough to finish of any self respecting woman! I give in.

This morning I actually caught myself thinking that it would be nice to amend an inadequate contract today. Its the rain - its getting to me. There's not much you can do in these outdoor based counties when you can't go outdoors. My brain was feeling idle and I really did sit on the end of my bed thinking about getting my teeth into amending a few clauses with threatening red ink in a teacher like manner. I've already had one request for legal advice from a friend - maybe that little exposure was enough to reignite the cindering ashes of that part of my brain. Maren - you are now to blame for the incessant taping of my foot and galloping brain! Maybe I'll write a book. I have already written a list of the books that I am going to write - for the sake of writing them and occupying my mind. Not in pursuit of any J K Rowland like fame. I don't think I could take the rejection of the reviews. Most people are their own worst critic ( I hear them say) - but I've always rather liked "bigging myself up", as they say in the Hip Hop world. I don't care for criticism.

You will all be pleased to hear that I am stuffing my face with piles of food that would rival the surplus mountains of the EC. What else is there to do except go from restaurant to net cafe to restaurant. When its raining outside its so much more tempting to stay inside and have three courses - for each meal.

I am now staring at the small girl beside me with strange furry animals tied into her hair. She is only about five years old so I suppose the fashion police would let her off. She has pretty little eyes but a devilish smile. I have no doubt that she would swipe my belongings from this desk if I got up to get a cup of water from the internationally recognised plastic dispenser in the corner. I'll leave it and keep guard of my belongings. In my experience, children are often junior members of highly organised criminal fraternities. This is due to the fact that most countries' legal systems share the same child friendly loop hole in that under tens (may vary country to country) are unable to be reprimanded in any binding or deterring way. Beware the under tens!

Ha ! Its five o'clock - that means I have something to do. My laundry will be ready from the laundrette. Oh the glamour of it.

S xx






Wednesday, January 26, 2005

On the boarderline

Hola bloggers,

Well God must have been listening to us (proabably to Jo - he probably thinks I am a little confused due to the prayers in all different languages and denominations over the last few years!). Anyway, we were blessed with a glorious day yesterday for our full day at the Falls. We set off bright and early at 8.30 and went over the boarder to the Argentinian side to see the Falls from over there. It is much better from that side so if anyone ever goes there you must make sure you are at that side. There's so much more to do at that side as there is a fun packed national park with lots of nature trails. We saw lots of different animals and amazing butterflies as big as your hand in all the colours of the rainbow. They were almost as breathtaking as the falls!

We were again typically British and obeyed the rules - such as don't feed the animals and don't make too much noise. However, we were most annoyed by the other idiotic nationalities who seemed to think it was fun to try and tempt racoons over with food and then try and stroke them! Appalling behaviour! Don't they realise that the animals will become dependant on this source of food and loose the ability to find their own food.

The size of the lizards was just unbelievable! We took to hiding quietly in the jungle and waiting to see one saunter by unaware that we were there. One was about the same length as from the end of my fingers to my elbow, or maybe longer, and much wider than my arm (not hard, I know! ).

We took a speed boat along the river to get up close to the Falls and we had a crazy driver who took us right under a small section of the falls (I say small - still bigger than you can probably imagine). He did this twice and we were absolutely battered by the water - such fun! I don't think the five year old girl on the boat agreed though.

I was worried about getting trench foot all day because the speed boat experience was at about 10am and then I walked around in wet trainers until about 6pm. I still have both feet though - somewhat wrinkled, but still attached.

Once again the scaremongers in England were talking rubbish. So many people told me that it would be really hard to understand the Spanish spoken by the Argentinians - but that was not the case. Maybe its because I never understand every word anyway (at this stage). I probably hear about ten out of fifteen words but I always get the jist and know whats going on. I'm hoping that this will change and that I will hear and understand every word soon.

We have got lots of our photos on to cd today and if I had the patience of saint I might be able to get them onto the blog but patience never was my middle name (there actually was a girl at my school called Patience Lister - I don't know if she was blessed with saint-like quantities of patience but you'd hope so wouldn't you. There needs to be some sort of saving grace for having a name like that). Anyway, its raining AGAIN so I might need something to occupy my mind for eight hours tomorrow. Perhaps swearing at the computer will be just the ticket!

Adios campers

S xx




Monday, January 24, 2005

Raining cats and dogs

Jo and I have been very excited about coming to Iguassu Falls. We have been dreaming of water, water and more water. However, we are currently sat in a net cafe at the view point at the Falls ........unable to see a god damn thing because there is too much of the wrong sort of water - rain! It is raining cats and dogs and the visibility is ridiculous. We are wearing highly embarrasing rain ponchos and we can just about see a metre in front of our noses. I am sure it will pass soon and we will be able to walk over and see the water that we came here for. Well I hope so anyway!

Tomorrow we are going to the other side (no, not the dark side - the Argentian side!). Tonight we will be praying that tomorrow is a brighter day. Jo was confirmed - I'm hoping she has a good line to God.

S xx

Sunday, January 23, 2005

what a shenanigan!

Hola Bloggers,

The last few days have involved a fair amount of alcohol ..........and so needless to say we have had some very funny experiences. On Thursday night we went to a concert on the beach where we sat on a deck chair and downed a few fruit cocktails contaminated with the local fire water. We managed to form a posse by attracting the attentions of some local boys (I wonder how?). One of them looked distinctly like Crusty the Clown (well he did to us after a few cocktails). I don't think he was too impressed with us calling him that but we didn't let that bother us and continued to address him with this name all night (until approximately 4 am!).

Crusty and his friends, all aged about 23 - 25 (the old gals have still got it), took us to a street bar after the concert. Well, correction, they lead the way but I wouldn't say "they took us out" in the true sense of that phrase. We paid for everything because these tag alongs hardly had any money. This is a running theme with the friends we seem to make. We know damn well that they are getting a good deal out of befriending us but they are all harmless enough and since a massive bottle of beer (about two pints worth) costs about 50p we don't care about paying at all. I must admit that I was the most drunk out of the two of us that night and god only knows what rubbish I was coming out with and dancing in the streets. I remember breaking my flip flop at one point - but this was no problem as the local boys seemed very skilled and manipulating flip flops (there standard footwear at all times). I was safe in my drunkardness though as Jo was taking good care of me. We seem to take it in turns - I was the relatively more sober one last night and took charge of the absolutely smashed Jo.

Last night was spent in Shenanigans (the token Irish bar owned by Americans). This place has a set up whereby you are given a ticket on entry and then all your drinks are marked off on this ticket and you settle the bill at the end. We got into trouble because in this bar you get given a ticket when you go in and then they mark off your drinks on that and you pay for the whole lot when you leave. If you loose your ticket there is a fine. So obviously we lost a ticket.

I'd had both of the tickets on me all night and then one was gone. Jo and I have discussed this today and we suspect it might be on the toilet floor - Jo had no pockets and was storing money down her knickers. We can only think that she put one of the tickets down there at one point and then didn't see it drop out when she was absolutely blotto later. Anyway, we had been putting all our drinks on one ticket only. So one was loaded with a bill and one was empty. The one we had had a big bill on it so we gave every penny we had to pay for that one and then we didn't have any money to pay the fine on the one we had lost. I let Jo be the one with a ticket (due to her state) and I said I was the one without a ticket - hoping to talk my way out of it. I searched everywhere for the ticket - for bloody ages - but it never showed its face (I didn't look in the toilets though). I kept on explaining that we had paid for all our drinks on the other one - and I got the barmaid who served us to look at the ticket and confirm this. So I convinced them that we were not trying to get away without paying - we had simply lost the blank ticket. The manager did believe me eventually but he was insiting on me paying a fine. It turned into a right old argument because I kept telling him that I didn't have a penny on me to pay a fine with!

The manager's solution was that I was to leave Jo there and go back to the apartment to get more money. Jo was in no state to be left alone in Rio so I flatly refused and told the manager that he would have to walk back with both of us and get the money from the apartment and walk back to the bar himself. Eventually he agreed to do that and said he'd just go and tell his partner what he was doing. As soon as his back was turned I got Jo up off the floor and told her to run for her life (seemed like a good idea at the time - I didn't want the man to know where we lived). We legged it round the corner and through the back streets. Jo didn't understand what was going on but I just kept dragging her and making her run and saying if she didn't run then we'd be arrested - so that made her run!

We found our way home through the back streets safe and sound and without having to pay the stupid fine. ....................but now we can't ever go near that bar again - and its right in the main town square where we go every day. I still can't believe we lost the god damn ticket!

I have since banned Jo from ever doing another shot whilst in Rio. It was the shots that took her over the edge and so they are being blamed for all this (not the arm that lifted them to her mouth of course - just the shots themselves!).

Bed early tonight.

Night night

S x

Thursday, January 20, 2005

Time Keeping

I have realised that I am totally old school British when it comes to time keeping. I can't stand lateness! Everytime we arrange to meet anyone here, whether it be socially or to do with renting apartments or anything like that, they are invariably late. It drives me mad. We have decided not to put up with it anymore. When we were supposed to be meeting the Irish chaps and the local Brazillian girls the other night - neither of the groups turned up on time. We left the meeting spot for the Irish guys so they never got to party with us. We decided that they were lucky to have been invited out with us so the least they could do was be on time - they weren't, so we left. The girls were late too! Over a few drinks we explained how this was winding us up and explained that British people like to be on time (and to queue).

We arranged to meet the local girls the next day to go to the historical centre to see a few sights. They don't have much money so we said that we would buy them lunch in a really nice place. We knew that this would mean that they would definitely come. They seemed very excited about the day ahead. So, we agreed the time and place and repeatedly told them that we were serious about the time. They were just laughing thinking that it was all a joke and not really understanding why we wouldn't be happy to wait for them for up to an hour. The next day we arrived at the agreed meeting place a good five minutes prior to the meeting time. We waited for twenty minutes and then left. They can stick their lunch where the sun doesn't shine! WHY CAN'T PEOPLE KEEP THEIR WORD?

I am forever telling my sister to take the same attitude with her husband. He is notorious for constantly being up to an hour late. My theory is that you need to train these people. Give them about fifteen minutes and then leave, go to the party alone, go to the shops or wherever you were supposed to be going alone. They will soon learn that they need to be on time to be included. Why is their time so much more important than yours? Some may say that I am a hard woman............but its not as though these people didn't agree to the time themselves. Maybe its the lawyer in me - a contract is a contract and it should be honoured.

Right rant over.

I was horrified to hear about the attitude of women here to sex. The girls we had drinks with were really puzzled as to why Jo and I didn't want to meet local boys every night. We explained that we had boyfriends but they just kept saying " yes but they are not here". They don't seem to have a concept of monogomy. They say that the boys all have about ten girlfriends at once so they do it too. They also said that by the time a girl is 15 years old here in Brazil it is quite common for her to have had 15 sexual partners!!! That is more than I've had in my life and I am 30 years old! They said that girls of 30 will have no idea how many sexual partners they have had. No wonder that half of the population has got AIDS. They also said that as soon as they meet a boy they will have sex with them on the first night. We were trying to expain the whole concept of dating and explaingin that you go out with a boy for quite a lot of dates before you even consider having sex with them. (Sorry Dad if you are reading this - I know you probably want to pretend that I have never had sex - but this is interesting cultural stuff in my opinion).

The local girls couldn't believe that European boys would wait. I tried to explain to them that if all girls join forces and act this way - then the boys will have to wait won't they. I realised how lucky I am to come from a country where women have the strength to question and say no to men. I think this cultural inequality in the sexes is what leads to this promiscuity. The girls just didn't really believe that they had the power to say no to men. Its very sad. The country seems so modern in so many other ways.

On to cultural experiences of an architectural nature. The historic centre of Rio is not really that impressive. I wouldn't come out of your way on a world trip to see any major buildings here. The only exception is the Opera House / National Theatre. This was absolutely beautiful. It is strategically positioned so that from the circular waiting rooms on the gallery floor you have a view of both the statute of Christ and Sugar loaf mountain - this is not always easily achieved as the two are very far away from each other and the whole place is littered with mountains (obscuring your view). Ten points to the arhitects for choosing this spot. There were two architects - a French man and a Brasilian man and so there are many interesting fusions of the European and the South American influences.

The most impressive part of the Opera house is, funnily enough, the basement restaurant. It is underneath the stage and has no windows but it is so alive with character. It is covered from floor to ceiling with mosaics tiles, with amazing egyption scenes depicted along the walls. I didn't really get a answer as to the significance of the Egyption scenes. They are not to be questioned though as they are so breathtaking.

Throughout our tour around the Opera House we were entertained by two supersized Americans. We had a good laugh with these guys and even got the bus back to Ipanema with them. The younger one (about 40) was a lawyer in New York (I seem to attract lawyers - I have met two others so far. I take their cards - you never know when they might come in handy!). The older one was of Polish origin and he was about 60 (and not too happy about the bus journey). We were also fascinated by another couple on the tour. A retired and very well spoken chap from London and a twenty something tight bodied boy of Brasillian origin. We are certain that they were lovers (or that this love was being rented for a temporay period). In the waiting room, from which you can see both the Statue of Christ and Sugar loaf, there is a seat which the guide explained has a reputation as being the love seat. They say that if you sit on that seat together then you will be married within two weeks. We were all sitting on this particular seat when the guide told us this and both Jo and I noticed the old guy say to the young boy "I accept". I humoured them and offerd to take a photo of them together with the boy's camera - just to try and tempt the old one into putting his arm round the young one. It didn't work though. They just snuggled in close to each other. This was childish of me - I know.

I must just interupt my writing to tell you that the boy behind the counter in the internet shop has just leaned too far back in his chair and fallen off it. I heard a bang and looked over to the desk and could just hear a gigling coming from behind the desk. He was on his backside on the floor laughing his head off unable to get back up. I actually know how this feels because I remember a time on secondment to Alliance & Leicester Bank when I stood up from my chair to reach to the overhead cupboard to get out a file. When I sat back down I ended up on the floor with a bang. My arse had obviously pushed the chair out from behind me and it wasn't in the same place I had left it in. I also lay on the floor in hysterics on that occasion. That is typical of me - to draw attention to my failings. Anyone else would have jumped up before anyone noticed them - but I laughed out loud and shouted to people to look at what I had done. Its like when I get a top from the market or something - I always seem to have to tell poeple how cheap something is that I am wearing. I'm sure others would hide this fact and not mention such things. I just have a compulsion to declare bargains and admit idiotic acts.

We nearly got locked out the other day. We told the cleaner to lock up after herself and put the key under the door. About five hours later I realised that the little key that I had given the cleaner was for a different lock in the door to the key that I had on my person. It was ok though beause my skinny fingers could fit under the door and fish out the key that she had slid under. Close shave.

hasta luego mis amigos

S xx

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

No I am not Spice Girl!

Hola Bloggers,

I have bought a Topaz ring ! Not the mega expensive one. I found a much more reasonable and sensible one to buy. Its much clearer in colour - so therefore not as rare and not as expensive as the other one. We are only talking a few hundreds now instead of a fair few thousands. Its gorgeous - really big though so not to be worn every day. It will look really good with the dresses I purchased yesterday! Yes my shopping addiction has kicked in over the last few days. I'll stop now - it was just because it was raining. What else is a girl supposed to do?

I had looked at the ring yesterday and asked the assistant to hold it for me for a few days whilst I thought about it. When I went back in today she said that she had been thinking about how I speak all night last night and she had realised that it reminded her of the Spice Girls. I thought for a minute and then realised that she must be talking about Scary Spice - who is from Leeds. Please god, I don`t sound like her do I ??????? I hope it was Jo's very strong yorkshire accent that had triggered that thought and not my accent.

We have just been talking to an Irish man who was ecstatic to hear English being spoken. He is going to come along with us tonight for a drink - when we meet up with the random girl from the other night. The possee is gathering force!

Lots of love

S xx


Sunday, January 16, 2005

Just chilling

Hey bloggers,

Well I've just been chilling for the last few days. Long days on the beach and lots of gorgeous food. We got a little drunk last night though. Our favourite restaurant does ice cream cocktails. They are out of this world! We were drinking vodka ones with creme de cassis and rasberry sorbet in them. It looks like a desert - a big (massive) bowl of sorbet ...........but my god there is defintely vodka in them! Its rude not to have one really - when they look so pretty! They only cost three quid as well so you can't really say no.

We wandered along to another locals' street bar thing afterwards. We much prefer these to the fancy bars where the tourists are. In these street things (they are so run down and naff looking) you always get talking to locals and have a right old laugh. Last night we were talking to a guy called Carlos who had the most formal English you've ever heard for a foreignor- I think he had been learning his English from some classic literature or something. His choice of words was enough to set us off laughing every time he opened his mouth (poor thing). We also had a guy with us who really reminded us of our friend Charlie at home. We therefore named this one Charlie. He couldn't understand us and we couldn't undertsand him but we just got along by pointing at things and being daft and having sing alongs of English songs and dancing about in the street and stuff. Carlos translated for him some of the time also.

We also met a Brasillian girl from further north who popped over to the bar to buy some take out beers and was a bit annoyed that she didn't have anyone to go out drinking with. She heard our English and said, in English, that she thought we looked like we were having fun. Then I got talking to her. I have said that we will take her out on Tuesday night. So we are meeting her at the naff street bar at ten.

I got my first mosquito bite last night. Left arm, near elbow, not too itchy as attacked it with bite cream thing Mum had packed in my medical kit. The little medical kit has come in handy so far. I was even able to Florence Nightingale it with Jose - he dried his hands on a plant (apparently an old trick that he and his friends used to do when playing out in Spain) .......but the plant turned out to be spikey! Oouch. He had lots of little spike things inside his fingers. My germoline came to the rescue. I love having a tool for every occaision! Dad - the swiss army knife you gave me is coming in handy too. The scissors don't work though - I tried to cut my hair but it wasn't having it. The marketing team working for the company who sell the universal plug that I brought are definitely con artists. Product misdescription action if you ask me. It doesn't fit the sink in our apartment and correct me if I am wrong but Rio is in the universe! We were going to soak some clothes in the sink then realised we didn't have any hot water or a plug. So that was the end of that - hence the virgin trip to the launderette the other day.

Something strange is going on with internet cafes. Every time I notice a new one - the price per hour is less than the last one. I have been pondering the mathematical chance of this and it is baffling me, the economics of it are too! Surely there would be a local market rate, and surely there would be a slight variation around that average price, and surely if i keep walking around totally different streets then you would see prices in all sorts of jumbled up order moving around the average rate. But no, we started at ten reis per hour and then I have seen 8 reis, then 6 reis and now 4 reis. Whats going on? Sorry I am waffling now - the things I think about are curious sometimes - even to me!

Keep on keeping on dudes

S xx

Friday, January 14, 2005

Washer Woman

Hola bloggers,

Washer woman here. Just been down the old launderette - don`t think i have ever been in one in my life before! Don`t think I can spell it either! I`m sure most people will have used one at Uni but I always had a washing machine in my house and even in halls in the first year I don`t think I ever used one. I remember taking my washing home every few weeks in the first year. I was going out with a boy from home (James - I know you are reading this) so I used to drive back to Leeds from Liverpool and do my washing at my parent's or at James` mum`s pub. I've always had more clothes than most shops so it was never a problem even if I didn`t go home for a few weeks. This all just dawned on me today - I suppose I have not done bad to have avoided public laundry facilities for 30 years! You live and learn.

I can't get over what gorgeous food I am having for such cheap prices. Today we went to a beautiful bistro for lunch. I had a fantastic mushroom risotto (which I couldn`t finish - yes even greedy guts here). It cost three pounds. In a similar standard of place in London it would have cost about 15 pounds ................and you wouldn`t even be able to find such a place in Yorkshire. I am constantly having amazing juices as well. I haven't got the foggiest what the names of the fruits are in portugese so I just randomly pick one and then have fun trying to work out what I`ve got. I never really know because there are different fruits here than we would get at home anyway. All been lovely though (and all so cheap). Don`t even get me started on the icecreams and sorbets.

Last night when we were eating in a restaurant (Jose - the one where we met the crazy waiter who gave us details of the apartment), a little boy was knocking on the window to us and asking for food. I thought he was a little con artist because he wasn't exactly skinny and I could see a few resai sticking out of his pocket. He kept trying to look as sad as he could everytime we lokoed out at him. Then Jo started making him laugh by blowing her mouth out on the window. I pointed to the money in his pocket and he giggled when he realised he had been sprung because he had kept signing that he had no money. He was about ten years old. Bless the little rascal though - he was hungry (even though he was quite fat) because when we had finished eating what we wanted I got a napkin and put lots of roasted peppers and slices of cheese on to it and took it out to him. He stared at it and didn`t really know what it was. I don`t think he`d such fancy food before. I explained what it was in Spanish and told him it was really good for him so he nibbled a bit. Then he gobbled it down at the speed of light. He must have been hungry. About ten minutes later he came running up to the window again and knocked on it and showed us an ice cream he had been given from the shop next door. He looked so happy he was going to burst! I think my peppers and cheese would have been better for him but I doubt he thought that.

The beach vendors have really got in going on down here. They have thought of it all. There is even a few men going round selling travel size suntan lotions. So if you are running out or you just need one application - the jobs a good `un (as we say up north). There's amazing jewellery for sale. We chatted to a jewellery seller today - he was from Peru and he was explaining his life to us. He is 24 and he has been travelling for 3 years now. He makes the jewellery by hand and then wanders up and down the beach selling it. once he has made about 50 reis (about ten quid) he goes home for the day (to smoke a fat one - or to make more jewellery!). Nice life hey? Some of the necklaces cost about 30 reis so it doesn`t take him long to make enough money to live off. We might go on a trek up a mountain with him. He was telling us about a place where it is really good to meditate - apparently its a really important mountain with very old sculptures carved into the rock. Me and Jo will ahve a job on trying not to crack up laughing but we might give it a go. We discussed whether he was safe to go with but then we agreed that we could esily deck him between us - he's only 24 and not exactly filled out yet. He has given us his email address and his phone number and he loks far too stoned to be able to conjure up any sort of scam so I think we are safe.

What else can you get on the beach ? Lets think ...........the food is fab. You can get hot corn on the cob (for about 50p - I`m always eating that), you can get an amazing cheese on a stick thing (I know that means something else in England but it is gorgeous!). Its kind of like haloumi and I am alwasy eating that as well. They stick it in a little charcoal grill thing that they carry around and put herbs on it. Again that costs about 50p. You can get coconuts and virtually all fruits that you can think of, all drinks that you can think of, sandwiches, sarongs, full on outfits, stupid bags that are just one long zip that keep zipping round and round on themselves to make a bag (really naff but clever idea), bikins, hairbands, cd's, trips off to places, henna tatoos, hippy hair band things (ì`m sporting a blue one) ............the list just goes on. You never get bored because you just watch these people go by all day selling there wears. They don`t annoy you - they just walk along shouting out what they`ve got and you whistle them over if you want something.

You English people are all really shy you know. Loads of you keep writing to me personally on my gmail address and saying that you follow the blog - but none of you seem to dare to put a comment on here. That says something about you as a nation I think. The only one who put something on is Maren ...................who is German. Hmmm - the joys of the English!

S xx


Wednesday, January 12, 2005

Diamonds are a girl's best friend

Hola,

Shit weather again today. I bet you are all sniggering at that aren't you. Well don't laugh too much because I just mean that I can't go to the beach - i can still walk round with a short mini skirt and vest t shirt on so stick that in your pipe and smoke it!

Today's activities have included buying new bras for Jo. She has lost a lot of weight lately and has stopped taking the contraceptive pill and her once melon like boobs have just vamooshed. She is mortified and spends most of the day catching a glimpse of herself in a mirror and saying "just look at this, whats going on?". I am pissing myself because I've never been blessed in that department anyway and its funny to see her without any! One bonus of her not being able to fill her bra is that there was so much room in there that she could put all her money and bank cards and stuff down there to avoid carrying a bag that might attract the theives. Anyway, she now has new bras and so her money is down her sock!

We went to a museum of precious stones today and obviously I wanted to buy a fabulous ring in the shop attached to it. Why do I have such expensive taste? Why can't I like the dainty little ones that most people would be happy with? They just look rubbish to me. The only one in the whole shop that I liked (in fact loved!) worked out about eight and half thousand pounds. It was a 13 carat mid blue Topaz (my favourite colour) with about three quarters of a carrat of diamonds around it in three little pieces. It was a big rectangle but set of centre on your finger so it looked like a diamond shape, set in 18 carrat white gold. I managed to negotiate discounts and stuff and get it down to about 7 and a half thousand pounds. They well thought they were in when they found out i was a lawyer from England ........ but then I just took their business card and left and cheered my self up with some churros and chocolate froma street vender for about 30 pence. I was justifiying the expenditure on the ring in my head by thinking of what a good investment it is to buy stones abroad and then sell them in the UK. Hmm, but for those of you know my recent past, I figured I shouldn't be buying anything like this at least until that stone of death is sold and out of my life! That diamond certainly wasn't my best friend!

We are going to try and get to sleep before twelve tonight. We keep staying up till about 2 or three talking about boys and dreams and being total school girls ................but this means we don't wake up until about 11.30 and then we miss half the day. Oh well, its raining anyway and its nice to be all girly and silly together in our little house. We are playing house nicely and not falling out over any toys!

There are gyms all over the place here. I just spotted one in the park thing across the road (where I was playing on teh kids swings earlier - still being a child). There are gyms on nearly every street corner too and if I am understanding the portugese correctly then a lot of them have the slogan "muscles for all" on the window. Hillarious!

Right I'm going to go and get a drink now.

Lots of love, kisses ...........and muscles!

S xx


Tuesday, January 11, 2005

The same day in Paradise

I'm back. Got more credits at the internet shop now.

Well we have setled into our new apartment nicely. We bought our own towels today because the ones in the apartment look a bit suspect. Having studied my pillow case more closely this evening ......I might invest in one of those too. The one on the bed is very clean (smells of washing powder) but I just can'`t help wondering about the various stains on there and the possibilities of how they got there and who from. The water in the shower isn`t exactly hot either. If you were to liken it to a coke with a dash of lemon then the cold water would be the coke and the hot would be the dash of lemon in terms of part for part mix. I like it though. Its refreshing and it makes me think that I am suffering in some small way (which is what I think you are supposed to do on these trips!). I don`t think that I will be suffering though because I`m not exactly 18 and penniless so sod that malarky.

I cooked in the flat tonight, instead of eating out, just to try and pretend I was being good and "travelling". I can`t see the point though really when you can eat out for about 4 pounds! Having said that, we did treat ourselves to a fancy restaurant in Ipanema the other night and it came to 217 Reis, which is about 40 pounds. I`d had a glass of champagne, appetisers and a fancy cod risotto and Jo had had a beer, appetisers and the biggest prime rib that I have ever seen in my life. It was a really nice place and it was full of very swanky looking people. Probably not the best place to realise half way through your risotto that you have not brought your credit card and only have the cash in your pocket! Although 40 pounds is nothing for such a meal, we were not actually in possession of enough cash and neither of us had cards on us that would work. This is beacuse we had not planned the fancy restaurant - we had just seen it whilst walking along and thought what the hell lets go in. Jo started to panic but i don`t do panicking. I quickly turned on my photographic memory and recalled all the prices of what we had ordered as best I could. I calculated that it would be just over 200 Reis.............but how much over?

We counted out money and we had exactly 200 Reis. The bill came and it was 217. Jo was worried that we would have to own up and offer to do the washing up. There was no way I was admitting to not having enough money to pay the bill. I checked the bill and noticed that the actual items came to 198 Reis and the rest was a 10% tip that had been already included on the bill. Under English law you don`t have to pay such tips so I counted out 200 Reis, juggled up all the notes so that it would take them a while to count them and left the money on the table and told Jo to get up and leave very quickly! We exited swiftly, turned the corner and ran off in hysterics.

When I got home, I happened to read in a book about Brazil that it is obligatory to pay a 10% in high class restaurants and that this will be added to your bill. So, I actually did break the law - whoops! I thought I had just been a bit of a cheapskate and I could live with that, but I had not intended to break the law. Guess we won`t be walking down that little street again! You live and learn hey!

I saw the bar where the Girl from Ipanema was written. I didn`t go in though as there were queues outside - as there always in these places. For those of you who are trying to remember who wrote that song (Graham Hann, Daniel Pavin and Chris Benson - did any of you know?) ...........well its Tom Jobim and Vinicius de Moraes (a poet). Tom Jobim (a genius, composer and music master according to the press here) said of Ipanema - "you will only be able to speak of social justice in Brazil when everyone has the right to live in Ipanema!".

The weather is very changeable now. 40 degress yesterday, thunder storm last night, 25 degrees but cloudy today, raining now but probably going to be red hot tomorrow. Its never ever cold though. Even in the rain now (at 11pm) I am walking about in a short t-shirt dress and I am hot and sticky (ooh eer!).

I am confident that I am going to be able to understand the Spanish in the other countries that I go to because I went for a spin in Don Juan boy's car the other day (to get the money from the bank to pay for the flat) and we were talking about this. He is from Bolivia - which is why he speaks Spanish! He has perfectly clear Spanish. I think he has a clearer accent that my own little torro from Barcelona. Barcelona is known for a bit of an acccent though (I think). Don Juan says I'll have no problem in Buenos Aires either as in his opinion they all speak quite slowly.

I find the tramps here so much more well behaved than the London ones. In London they are forever walking into you in their drunken states or shouting abuse at you as you walk by. If they are not doing this then they are pissing against a wall and allowing a river to form on the footpath. However, I have not witnessed any such misdemeanours here. They just quietly get their heads down and go to sleep at night ..........and they seem so much more tidier in their sidewalk set ups. Quite cute really. They don`t beg or anything. During the day they just wander round collecting cans for recycling. God knows how much they get per can .............probably about 0.0000000000002 of a pence. I think its the least you can do to go and give your empty can to them instead of lobbing it in the bin and then letting them fish it out.

The museum of Indigenous Indians was really interesting today. Although it would have been more so if there had been information in English or Spanish. It was a bit too much to try and understand all the Portugese. I could get the jist of things but was guessing really. The objects and pictures spoke a thousand words though - as always. It was amazing to watch a video of the tribesmen and how they go about their daliy business of survival and community life. It was an exhibition of the Wajapi tribe which is a tribe living on the border of Brazil and French Guiana in a forest and mountain reagion of teh Amazon. There are currently 550 inhabitants living in 40 villages. Some of these people have helped to set up the museum and so the video I watched was very recent. You could tell that someone had just been allowed in with a video camera and was just following people about in the village and showing you how they lived. It wasn`t a documentary or anything - it was very raw. Amazing though. The things they can make out of their surroundings puts us to shame. And how do they all manage to have such pert boobs? Maybe the camera man was choosy about who he followed around!

Does anyone know who Rui Barbosa is? I went to his old house today. A mansion preserved from the twenties when he died. I think he was a politician here who was exiled to England in the late 19th century. I don't know what for though or whether I should be knowing about this chap. I wonder if he was a lawyer because he had a colection of 37,000 books in his mansion and many of them were legal books - both English and portugese. Any clues anyone?

There were some Webb and Mappin pieces in the mansion (from Sheffield). You can't beat a bit of Yorkshire craftsmanship!

The music most listened to on my ipod over the last few days has been Tupac's greatest hits. Just thought some of you might be intersted in these things. I know for certain that a few of you will be. Just ignore me the rest of you.

Do you know there are loads of poodles and yorkshire terriers here. Its weird. God knows why. Every second person seems to be walking either a small white poodle or a tiny Yorkie with a pathetic bow in its head. I think its just a thing here in Ipanema. There are not many cats though. You always seem to see a plethora of cats when you sare abroad - but not here.

I had wanted to go to the maracanau stadium . I'`d always heard it was the biggest footbal stadium in the world and they still say that it is here. its a con though - it was the biggest capacity before the rules about sitting down cme in. Previsouly you could get 200,000 in there but now that you have to be seated only 30,000 can fit in. Anyone could claim any number if you are standing up - you could stand on poeple`s shoulders and stuff. Daft if you ask me. We might still go though - just to see ho crazy they go. They are very good at football here. You can saee on the beach how talented the kids are. Girls play aswell.......and really well. Jose will back me up on this fact so don`t just think I am saying this because I am a girl. They kick ass!

There is a game called footvolley. Its on the beach and its like volley ball but you can only use your head and shoulders and feet. they mainly use their head and shoulders. Its very impressive. Jose says that they play it in Spain so I think its probably world wide - for those lucky buggers who actually have beaches and warm weather!

Right over and out campers

S xx



another day in paradise

Hola Bloggers,

Well the white arse got a showing in the new thong. Things seemed to go well on that front - no funny stares or anything and no burning! In fact that day a beach vendor even broke off his massive argument with a beach goer (in portugese) to shout over (in English) that he loved me! Everyone was getting up to listen to the argument - me included and so he looked around at everyone and yelled that out to me then carried on arguing in portugese! It was hilarious and very flattering. Then about an hour later I got a free henna tatoo on my foot. I didn`t want one. I told the man that I would get one in a few weeks when i was browner but he pleaded to draw on my body and just started free hand drawing on my foot. Its quite a nice little symbol so I am pleased about it really.

I was surprised that the beachvendor actually knew I was English because people keep looking surprised or saying "really?"when I say I am English. I often get that on holiday. I don`t know why. Jo pointed to a girl in a restaurant last night though and said that she thought the girl looked like me. When I looked at her - I wouldn`t have thought she was English either. weird. You can`t place me because you know me .................or you just think I am talking bollox. I get accused of being Dutch and French a lot.

It was 40 degrees yesterday! Its been raining today though. We took the opportunity to go to some museums. One was about the indigenous indians and there was a little mock house that I enjoyed playing in. I am sure I am reverting to childhood whilst I am here. I keep playing like a child! Had great fun in the waves again the other day.

I am not going to write much more today because I think my time is going to run out in this internet cafe.

So, hasta luego mis amigos

S xx





Sunday, January 09, 2005

Don't stop moving, keep your body grooving ......

Hola Bloggers,

I bet you are all back at work now aren't you. Oh poor you!

We have been looking for another flat to rent because, although the first one was really nice, the mafiosos remembered that they had a friend from Italy coming for five nights starting from tomorrow. Hmm, wonder what he is bringing across for them. Rather not ask!

The mafia man was very sorry and felt really responsible for us so he tried to help us find somewhere else and drove us around in his car and rang people out of the paper for us. We were going to go somewhere else for the five nights and then back to the mafioso place for the rest of the time. Thats what the mafioso wanted, but now we have decided that we will take the new place for the rest of our time here - to avoid keeping on moving.

The new apartment is rented out by a man who reminds Jo and I of Del Boy from only fools and horses. I am nick naming him Don Juan boy instead of Del boy - because he looks like more like a Don Juan than a Del. He is about 60 and wears shades and has greased back hair and you could just imagine him with lots of Jimmy Saville jewellery. Now then, now then. He speaks Spanish - which is good for me. He is called Luis Alfonso. Hopefully things will go well there. We move in there tomorrow morning.

The beach is beautiful here in Ipanema. The scenery around you is just amazing. I had great fun playing in the waves yesterday. We can't go in the sea together because we can't leave out things unguarded. So, I was playing merrily alone like a little child. I loved it. I keep eating coconuts aswell. Jo likes to drink the milk and so when she buys one I go and get the man to chop it open and then I eat the inside. There's loads left on the beach all the time. I even picked someone else's old one up and got that opened yesterday. Felt a bit wrong doing that but who cares - they are aonly going to get put in the bin. Think I will carry on doing that!

We went to try on Brazil stylee bikinis last night. They don't wear a damn thing here! I had bought new bikinis in San Fran and those ones and Jo's ones are all like little tiny shorts and bikini tops. We both prefer those and those are in fashion in Europe and in the US. However, here we feel like we have got a wool suit on compared to what they wear! Every single woman has got a thong on and then they seem to just cover there nipples with their tops - no matter how large they are up top! They scrunch the top up to nothing and tie it tightly so it won't move but it juts goes in a straight line down over their nipples - not in a triangle like a normal top would. Its hysterical but actually much better for getting an all over tan. So, we thought we might try it. We were cracking up when we were trying them on (excuse the pun!). Jo chickened it but I have bought one! I am fine about the top - I'm not going to scrunch it up any less than it is already. It already looks like a top for a five year old. It will take some getting used to walking around with my white arse hanging out though! I am going to go for it though because even the grannies do it ...........and I want an all over tan. Jose has left now so who cares - no one knows me!

They are very open about everything here. We got chatting to some young people on the beach the other day (about 21 years old) and one of the girls told Jo that her brother wanted to kiss Jo. The brother didn't seem in the least bit embarrassed that his sister had said that in front of him. We started laughing and Jo said that she had a boyfriend at home. So, the sister said " yes but my brother has the largest penis that I have ever seen so surely you will want to change and have him as your boyfriend". Again, the brother was not in the slightest bit embarrassed (well I suppose he wouldn't be with that comment!). This is all very shocking for us ..........even for the straight up loud mouthed northerners that we are!

Last night we had a drink at a local street bar. We sat up at the bar. There are only about ten stools around the bar and then everyone else sits on the street on plastic chairs. We soon had a gathering of men trying to squeeze into the bar area to talk to us. I must say that they are very polite though. They would shout from across teh bar to ask us if it was ok to come over and talk to us. We would tell them to stay where they are and talk to us from across the bar! They would say very romantic things and ask if they could kiss our hands (totally corny) and offer to buy us drinks and ask for our numbers - but when we said no then they were not pushy at all and they were always very polite. We are talking about very uneducated poor people here as well - it was a very cheap run down bar. We had only stopped there because there were some guys playing drums close by and loads of people shaking their booties and we'd thought this bar had a good view of all that.

I have decided to stop drinking the caiprihini cocktails that I have been on. Mainly because I noticed last night how much sugar they put in each one. My teeth will drop out if I carry on with those! Its difficult because I don't like beer though. Maybe I will try and like beer. Its easier and cheaper. It might be an acquired taste that I can slowly become accustomed to. The only other option is vodka because there is no wine in sight in these bars.

We went to hippy market today and it was so annoying because I wanted to buy absolutely everything. There are amazing artworks and things for the house and lots of beautiful jewellery. How can I get it home though? I want everything - big wooden boxes, rugs, wall hangings ...... I am really trying hard to get things out of my possession - not add more. I might even throw some of my clothes away because its too much to carry already. Everything is such good value here as well. I bought a few pieces of hippy type jewellry and a totally hippy headscarf thing to push my hair back. No hairdryer with me and I am sick of it not being totally straight like it normally is. So, instead of it just not being quite right, I might go completely the other way and have it purposefully scraggy and hippy-fied. All the time I just keep thinking - nobody knows me so anything goes. Its great!

We have found a really good place for eating. There is loads of really healthy food and you pay by the weight. You take a plate as soon as you walk in the door (which means you don't have to wait for ages like in some places) and then you take whatever you want and then weigh the plate and pay for what you have. So, I am obviously playing a great game of trying to choose light but filling food. Last night's big plate full and a about half a litre of fresh orange juice and some icrecream afterwards all came to four pounds. Not bad hey! There's lots of stuff for veggie me which is great because I love my food. Jo has lost her appetite a bit due to the heat but I am shovelling down anything I can!

The apartment is working out at about sixteen pounds a night - so eight pounds each. Its got a lounge with a sofa bed and a tv. a bedroom with two single beds and a wardrobe a kitchen and a shower room and the most amazing antique wooden floors. Its in a secure blosk with a security guard downstairs. We are on teh sixth floor witha view of the sea.

I keep thinking I have lost things - like my camera and my credit cards. I haven't though. I just keep hiding them in far too safe a place. So safe that I can't find them! Idiot.

I bought an ipod in America (half price!) and I had to load it up in Jo's mum's house rather than at home with all my cds. Jo's mum is well into rap and has all sorts of stuff so I am currently singing "who let all these hoes in my room" quite a lot. Its a Ludicris song that is in my head. Very funny. If anyone is into that sort of thing then get the Ludacris - chicken and beer album. Its funny. Angel face - you will like it.

We are going to start going on some sightseeing trips soon ........but the first objective is the tan (and more importantly that white arse) !

besos

S






Friday, January 07, 2005

beach life

Hello bloggers,

First day on the beach today. Just a couple of hours. The clouds and rain had gone and so it was a perfect day. It was sooooooooo hot! Jo and I have been discussing again how we have never seen so many beauthiful people in one place before in our lives. Its really unbeliveable.

We are living in an apartment now. Its in a really good spot and its just perfect for us. I had a cold shower with no towel today though because we didn't know how to turn the hot water thing on and couldn't find the towels. It was quite refreshing actually. The owner guy has been round now though and turned on the water and given us towels.

We keep watching a hilarious programme on mtv here where crazy Brasilian teenagers enter dancing competitions. It is so amusing. They are like jack-in -a boxes!

I think I mentioned yesterday how everyone stares at you here. Well, today when the owner of the aprtment was coming to meet me - I asked him what he looked like and he just said he hasd green eyes. He didn1t give me any other pointers - just that. I think its because he thinks that I will be staring at everyone's eyes like they do. How strange!

Lots of love

S xx

Thursday, January 06, 2005

The girl from Ipanema

Hola Bloggers, Que tal?

Whoo hoo ! I am here. This is the first posting from South America.

I hope that you are all ok and that you have begun the new year in good spirits. I have not been in the best of health since arriving in Rio but I am certainly happy despite the sore throat and total exhaustion.

So, where exactly am I, who am I with and what am I doing? I am presently staying in copacabana beach, Rio de Janeiro, Brasil but I have just walked over to see a flat for rent in Ipanema which I'm going to take from tomorrow. Alex Bevan if you are reading this - thanks for the recommendation of Ipanema because it is just my sort of place. I got talking to a waiter last night in a restaurant and then ended up talking with the manager and owners (Italian) and got details of their cousins apartment to rent. Having now met the sister today and 'having seen how she just walks into the newspaper stand and picks up the man's phone and uses it and swans around with everyone seeming to know her - I suspect that the family are well connected around here (if you know what I mean). I figure some kind of mafioso family is more into making money than stealing it though so I am probably better with them than the other options here !

So who am I with (other than the Godfather) - when I landed at the airport I was greeted by Jose (my new man from Barcelona for those pof you who don't know). Knowing that I would be here he tageed along with some friends from Tarragona (Spain) who were coming to Brazil for new years .........and then he very sweetly extended his trip and and came down here to Rio alone to meet me for four days. He has gone back to BCN today but we have spent a really good few days together. I also have my best friend from school here with me - Jo. She is staying with my for my whole time in Brazil (6 weeks).

I think my Spanish has come on in leaps and bounds already - or so says Jose. Obviously I speak to him in Spanish so I have had four days of 24 *7 Spanish speaking. Also it seems to be totally acceptable to speak Spanish to the Brazilian - they understand but respond in Portuguese. At first I could not understand the responses (but Jose could) but now I am picking it up and even starting to speak a little. Most words are written the same but just pronounced very differently. You can just pick up the accent and get into it. For example - in Spanish an Orange is naranja and in Portugese it is laranja. Today I had a whole conversation with the Mafia chick - she was speaking Italian and I was speaking Spanish but we managed to get by and find out lots of details about the area and the apartment. Body language and actions help a lot and we both quite expressive people with our hands and eyes. All those years of Latin at school are coming in very handy as well! Its quite funny because my brain has just gone a bit mental and I keep speaking Spanish half way through a sentence to Jo without realising.

Jose says that I am starting to speak Spanish as quickly as I speak English now. I still have a very limited vocabulary and have dodgy grammar and tenses but the limited vocab that I have is now coming out very fast and without thought - i.e. I think I am starting to think in Spanish! Jose had his first dream in English - but unfortunately for him it only consisted of one word. He was asleep and then sat up and said "look!". "At what?" I asked - which woke him up. He then found it hilarious that he had spoken in English in his sleep and remembered that he was dreaming about speaking to me - but "look" had been the first word he had dreamt he had said to me. Oh well better luck next time (everyone learning a language always longs to dream in the other language - because then you know you have cracked it).

I must say that Rio is not really as amazing looking as I had imagined. I think its because you think that everything that you know (like the Christ statue and sugar loaf) are going to be visible at all times. But they are not - because its such a bloody massive place! Although Ipanema (where the new flat is) has a pretty impressive vista from the beach. There are just tens and tens of amazingly dramatic mountains sticking up all around you and dotted islands in the sea fairly close to the beach that you are on. Maybe when it gets less cloudy it will all luck better.

So far, Rio is not as scary as I expected. The most frightening time so far was when all three of us (me, Jo and Jose) were following a nature trail down from Sugar Loaf mountain and Jose and I heard a monkey going mad in a tree really close to us. Jo had gone ahead. It sounded like it was really freaking out and was liable to jump on the head of the next passer by .....and it sounded really close! I was really really scared but instead of clinging to Jose like a complete wet and shaking, I suggested to Jose that if we stomped forward really quickly then maybe we would scare it off. So, that's what we did. We turned the corner of the trail and found Jo absolutely pissing herself hiding in a tree. She had been making the monkey sound by blowing on a blade of grass - a trick she had been taught! It was amazing how accurate the sound was. We all laughed for hours about that one. For those of you who have ever met Jo - this is just typical of her. She is indeed a cheeky monkey!

It isn't that scary but we have been mugged already! However the poor junky mugger was unsuccessful this time. We had been hanging out on copacabana beach one late afternoon and then Jo and Jose fell asleep (due to all the cartwheels and Arab springs that Jo and I had been showing off with, and the couple of very Spanish footballer looking hands free forward flips that Jose attempted!). I was laying down but looking out to sea. There were not many people around as the weather wasn't great but there was (as usual here) loads of serious football games going on along the beach. Suddenly I heard some shouting and turned around to see a junky tramp trying to put my Nike's on and pocketing Jose's Spanish ID card. The shouting was one of the football coaches running across yelling at the junky to stop. I jumped up and shouted at him in Spanish too so he dropped the Nikes and the ID card , swore at me and leisurely saunted off. He probably thought that he was running away but I don't think his mind quite knew where his body was and so a saunter was all that he could manage (no need for the Nike's then if you ask me!)

We were all quite glad that the attempted mugging happened so early in the trip because it taught us that you seriously can't even close your eyes on the beach for one second. It also taught us that even your shoes are attractive to people here.

Tourist sightseeing wise I have so far gone up the mountain with the Christ statue at the top and been up Sugar loaf mountain. Both have amazing views of the surrounding landscape (which is very unique). I prefer the view from El Christo. The weather has been about 33 degrees in the day but with lots of clouds and a few spots of rain. Its about 26 degrees through the night. Its quite humid as well. Those of you know my sunbathing antics might be surprised to know that I haven't sunbathed yet. not for one minute. Mainly because I have been going around and doing stuff with Jose before he left.........but also because its too cloudy for me. Tranquilla! I have six months!

Somethings are ridiculous cheap (cocktails for less than one pound that have about three measures in are quite handy to find) but some things are not much different to Europe. Generally cheap though.

I must also report back that I have spoken to some of the most stupid people that I have ever encountered outside of a registered institution. I am not saying that as a race there are inherently dumb, I have met people who seem to have all of there faculties, but seriously, there have been some fantastically funny exchanges. Jose and I have just been in stitches at some of them. You can just tell by some faces as well - always smiling - you know that kind of retarded look. Nothing worries them as they don't know what the hell is going on. There seems to be less of these poor types in Ipanema though.

The people here love sport. Everywhere you look there are people running along, walking, jogging, playing football. There are gyms on the beach and special lanes for runners on the front coastal roads. As a consequence there are some amazing bodies! A lot of the men have more muscles than they know what to do with .............and as the fashion here seems to be to just walk down to the beach in your speedoes (or maybe just your tiny underpants if you are over 50!) then you can't exactly miss these sights. Jo and I are finding it very difficult not to crack up laughing at some of them. It also seems to be perfectly polite to absolutely stare at people. Everyone does it, men, women and children. So, we are learning to star back and not be afraid (as we Brits are often afraid to do).

We had a good old drink last night as it was Jose's last night. We made friends with an American (called Sarah) who is here alone to learn the language. she is only 21. I think Jo frightened the life out of her with some of her stories (for the what no hen girls reading this - she was discussing what a shame it was that the Rabbit had been left at home! Jose was in absolute stitches and the 21 year old was bright red). We also made friends with a crazy barmaid. She and Jo were battling it out in the crazy stakes. I'd say Jo won though (as usual).

I've sent Jose back to Spain with loads of my clothes because my rucksack was just ridiculously full. Its still too full but it will just have to do for now. Maybe I will give Jo more stuff in six weeks time when she goes. There is already a rip in it, for which I am on the hunt for gaffer tape. Its sod's law because gaffer tape was one of the things on my list of things to buy before leaving London which never got ticked off. There are more such things - and you just know that these will be all the things that I need and that I won't need then random things that I have got (Long legs you were right to piss yourself at me having a universal sink plug with me - I doubt I will need that).

I spent a night in what seemed to be the local prostitutes restaurant. I really needed to eat soup as I had a really sore throat (and still do). So Jose and I went in to the first place that we found with a good selection of soups on the menu on the wall. I went straight to the toilet before sitting down and when I returned to the table Jose said that he suspected that he was surrounded by ladies of the nights. As we took a closer look - this was confirmed. There were about 30 of them swooping in on the other tables that were all filled with single or groups of men. Oh well - they had a good selection of soup so we stayed and watched them in action. They were quite polite when I bumped into a crowd of them during a later visit to the toilets.

I haven't worked out yet how to get photos on here. I think its possible though so one day I will get round to it.

Right that's me done for tonight.

Lots of love to you all. Get that heating turned up suckers. Oh, and don't be late for work tomorrow will you (hee hee hee)